Self-love as a black girl

“I like my baby heir with baby hairs and afros.” – Beyoncé

Beyonce – Formation video (2016)

Growing up as a black girl unfortunately means that we are too often told that what we are is somehow bad, other or lesser than our white counterparts. Self-hate can so easily manifest itself once you begin to realise that although you may like the complexion of your skin or your curl pattern, other people do not. Once you begin to regularly hear such features constantly belittled and criticised you subconsciously become conditioned to accept and sometimes even believe these things. Myself and many other black girls are used to hearing microaggressions such as “you’re pretty for a black girl,” something which inherently implies both that your beauty comes from everything other than your blackness and that they are shocked that you, a black person, could actually meet societies standards of ‘pretty’.

Beyond the physical characteristics, people seem to always have opinions of who you are and how you should be. The negative preconceptions of what makes a black woman ‘black’ are reinforced by the media through stereotypes which result in the acceptance of such biased views by society as a whole. According to popular culture, all of us black women are bitter, angry, rude and aggressive amongst many other things.

But what about the black girls and women who love themselves and their essentially black features? Some of us, have overcome or maybe even never experienced the self-loathing that has been heavily documented in recent years in popular movies such as Precious (2009) or For Colored Girls (2010). I, personally, refuse to ever be confined by such limited definitions of who I am. I could be those things, but certainly not by default. As black women, we can be a variety of things and should not be limited to singular roles within society. Instead, I think it’s important for the new generation of black women to assert a positive image of ourselves by redefining the conventional standards of beauty and setting our own standards of who and what we are.

It’s a beautiful thing, to be able to look in the mirror and love what you see regardless of the criticisms and the opinions of others. Something I truly do not think can be understood by those who do not also face these experiences. There is a certain solidarity shared amongst black people who have also come to this realisation. This is not to the exclusion of other races, it’s just an understanding of each other and our shared experiences.

When you love yourself, everything else you seek out in the world is a reflection of this. Once it is achieved, having the ability to look at yourself internally and externally and think “yep” is a great feeling. Self love as a black girl, comes from within-not from external acceptance-and from being able to view yourself as someone equally if not more special than anyone else despite race. When you love yourself, you will not be concerned with other people’s perceptions of what makes YOU beautiful.